Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Pam's LiveJournal:

Sunday, December 4th, 2005
8:33 pm	good news to come soon for you (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
10:31 pm	some progress So i woke up this morning and there was a message from Phil on my IM. he wanted to talk to me and say Hi. So this afternoon we started talking and we spent most of the day talking. He said we could be friends and talk occassionally...I feel a little better now just having him as my friend again..I missed/miss him so much. Im trying not to get my hopes up but i really hope that things work out in my favor...trying not to get my hopes up though...trying not to get my hopes up! *lord help me*, i could just be asking for punishment..i hope not though... I asked him to come up this weekend just to hang out as friends and what not, and i dont know if he's going to but i really hope he does because that would be awesome. im not cocky but confident that when he sees me, he's gonna want me and fall in love with me all over again. *ok thats really getting my hopes up, honestly im trying* I get to see my daddy and darlene this weekend too because they are visiting me before my daddy leaves for hunting camp next week...yay...but i asked phil if when my parents were here, if he could visit someone else. I just dont want to get into it with them right now about why he's here and why we're talking and stuff. I mean, maybe later on if things get better i will tell them but i called my dad last week hysterical, on the verge of breaking down, asking him to come pick me up and take me away. he might just be a little concerned about things is all. Although he might not be either, he might say its my life and do what i want, but he just wants to make sure that i focus on my studies...which i am, kinda, i mean i had one bad test...a really bad test..EEK..dont want to get that back...i dont even know if it will have a grade on it, thats how bad it is..might just have a SEE ME! Oops..oh well, what can you do. I think thats all for now, my life isnt too overly entertaining... <3 Current Mood: blah Current Music: the huming of the heater (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
8:32 pm	I'm really lost and a royal wreck and I dont know what to do with myself. After all of the thinking that I have done lately, the only conclusion that I can come up with is that I love him and I want to be with him. This whole process would be so much easier if I hated his guts but i dont, I cant, I never will. I know that I should care about stuff too, but I dont. I mean, I'm 7 months away from being a college graduate and having the life i've dreamed of, but I dont even care about it, i'd be willing to give it all up. and if I dont somehow get my act together, it's gonna go right down the shitter...He's the only person who knows every little thing about me and still loved me and wanted to be with me anyways, he was my best friend, my anchor, my foundation and now it's gone. I dont even know where to start picking up the pieces of my shattered life or if i even want to. As Jennie said today, "it's kind of like rebuilding a house without the foundation undearneath". I dont want to be with anyone else but him and I believe that he's gonna come back to me...at least thats what I want to believe and hope...I dont like giving myself false hope but it seems to be the only way that i can get through this...I know we've had our issues and stuff, but we can get through this..at least i hope we can. He's not perfect, he has flaws, and he does stuff that i dont like...but falling in love with him made me realize that even though he may not be the perfect prince of my dreams, but he is perfect enough for me. I love him...all of him...insecurities, flaws, and all...I dont know what else to do... Current Mood: crushed Current Music: CeLtiCs BaSkEtBaLl On Tv (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
2:17 pm	I just dont know what to do with myself Jenn said that I should write in a journal or something to get my thoughts and feelings out, that way i dont have to try to explain myself, i can just get everything out. So here goes: Phil and I broke up a couple weeks ago and even though I know that he's the one that I want to be with, he doesnt feel the same way about me... He came up to school this past weekend and everything seemed so perfect. It was great, and I definitely thought that we were going to get back together, because he said that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me, and that his whole reason for coming to school and lobbying so hard for me not to go to Pittsburg that weekend was so he could get me back...Guess I was wrong!! I talked to him on Sunday and he said that things were different and that he had a crush on Xana.. I feel like I shouldve known this all along because they always hang out and they have more in common with each other than i would ever think of having with him and they have fun together. Girls dont just get jealous over nothing and I was jealous over her because deep down i guess i always knew. I really just want him to choose me and come back to me, but i guess i understand that he has to do this for him to be happy and to stop lying to himself. I just wish that he wouldve told me this weekend what he was thinking about instead of all that other stuff. He may have been somewhat honest, but i wish that he wouldve been completely honest and truthful with his thoughts and feelings about her. Because I doubt that he just realized it on the bus ride home or that night that he hung out with her. He told me that he loves me but when he hangs out with her, he forgets all about me. I dont understand that, how do you forget about someone that you've devoted the last 4+ years of your life too...Whats gonna happen to the love that he has for me, is it just gonna go away? I feel like I completely dont know anything and I just wish I understood stuff more, I'm confused now myself. The girls say i should go out and go guy hunting and not keep my blinders on, but i know exactly what i want. I've had the past couple of months to be objective and i know that he's the only person that i want to be with and can imagine myself with. I love him and I know that he loves me and i just hope that he can realize it soon. but then again, if he's not sure if he wants to be with me and he wants to be with Xana, what if she turns him down and then *I hope* that he comes back to me...i want him to, but is that fair. and what if we did someday get back together, how comfortable am i going to be with them hanging out all the time knowing that he has/had a crush on her...I dont know, i really dont know..I guess i dont want to get ahead of myself, i just know that i love him and want to be with him and i hope someday he realizes that we're meant to be. 4 years is something to fight for, i know I want to, and I hope he does too! :( :( Current Mood: crushed Current Music: people talking in the telecom office (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
7:24 pm	new update I haven't updated in a while so i figured I would since I'm bored! The spring semester is half way through and I can't wait till it is done. I'm so annoyed, stressed out and overwhelmed...I am definitly looking forward to spring break. I am going to do absolutly nothing!!! I CANT WAIT! After Spring Break it's going to get even worse because the work load is going to increase, it's that much closer to Philly graduating, and I'm sure the drama level isn't going to go down any! It's seriously so aggravating because there wasnt even this much drama in high school. Some people are like a walking soap opera!! I wish i could be like other people and let it roll off my back but things bother me and when people act stupid, I get irritated and especially when the people don't think they are doing anything wrong!! It's seriously unbelievable!!!! AHHHH!!!! I've also been thinking a lot about when do you truly know who your friends are, because someone i know mentioned that if you cant count on your friends in crisis what can you count on..I mean I have friends I can count on, but lately theres a some certain people i'm not so sure about. I mean I'm glad their "happy", if you can even call it that but you really shouldnt forget about the friends that matter and the friends that have had your back through thick and thin, because when this fiasco ends (and I'm sure it will), you're gonna need the people who love you to have your back and after you ignore them and treat them badly while your infatuated with the current situation...why should we? Anyways just some thoughts i've had lately...I hope things improve..i hope the drama levels go down and I hope I make it to next year...anything is possible i guess! :) Current Mood: okay Current Music: put the lime in the coke, you nut (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 25th, 2004
1:23 pm	whoa a new one Well its been a while since I've written in this thing. I think i should get back in the habit because its very therapeutic and helps me get my thoughts out that I wouldnt normally tell people..this way they can read it themselves if they want to. Lets see whats new...Im back at PSU...majoring in social work, living with Molls and I love it. Sure I miss my friends at LSC, I still love them and I cant wait to see them but i need to be here for me! Phil's here and I'm making new friends, especially Jennie and Jenn..I love them their so fun!! I've been more busy this semester than i have in all my 3 years of college..its so stressful and on top of having "General Belknap", its chaos! Well anyways, i need to finish up a project and see my advisor (can you believe its almost time to register for spring classes...whoa) then I have to go to class! ttyl :) Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: days of our lives (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
6:12 pm	THE END IS NEAR I've been feeling kind of blah lately because im really dreading going home for the summer...I hate going home!I absolutly hate it! I really just wish i could stay at school all summer or get a job away from home that pays fairly well or just live at phils..that would be wicked cool though i doubt it would ever happen but it is a good fantasy. Im also feeling blah because i just started getting close to liz and i feel like its really been helping and now im leaving...I really hate telling new people my business and I really dont want to dig up some of that stuff again so i dont know what to do...I just feel really emotional right now..im so overwhelmed with all this school work and shite!! ahh but at least Friday is coming and i get to get drunk with the crew...after this week im really gonna need it...and YAY i get to see Brian this weekend!! WOO HOO!! well off to study now...stupid civ test tomorrow!! blah!! leave me some loving or something! xoxoxox Current Mood: blah Current Music: none! (Comment on this)
Friday, April 30th, 2004
12:04 am	whoa! Holly said shes bored and that i need to update this so here i go...hehehe....We got out of geography early and i actually got to watch an episode of friends..WOOHOO!! I came back, packed up most of my stuff for my dad...i still gotta clean the microwave but i'll do that tomorrow!! I even cleaned my room, my laundry and studied for my psych test for a little bit...:-/ Phil and Vikki are coming up tomorrow...REALLY EXCITED about that!! I cant wait..I have so much to do though, i hope i can get it all done this weekend!! busy busy busy thats what these next couple weeks are..kind of overwhelming..eek!! well i gotta go get my laundry out..SORRY ITS NOT MORE INTERESTING HOLLS...I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY...Ta Ta for now! MUAH xoxoxo Current Mood: chipper Current Music: the computer buzzing (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
11:24 am	hmm...humm Well everytime I get to cross something off my to do list i remember something i forgot to add on there...so it just seems to be getting longer! AHH and now Janet moved up the due date for our gender studies, it just adds a little more pressure.. On top of this HUUUUGE to do list, i have to pack because Dads coming to get my big stuff and all the odds and ends he can this saturday...which means im gonna be like a week and a half without my comfy chair! :( but I get to see my baby this weekend!! I get to have lunch with my two favorite men..IM SO EXCITED!!:-D then i just found out that I may get to see my favorite Brian next week!! that makes me happy!! and i get to get drunk with Rachel Smachel because she turns 21 tomorrow and is having a party!! YAY so if i didnt have all this crappy work the next 2 weeks would be mad fun!! well gotta do more homework...ahh when does it end!! write more later. LATA xoxoxox Current Mood: sick Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 25th, 2004
11:10 pm	The weekend went well Well this weekend I had this whole to do list planned out for what i was going to do..I did get most of my list done so that made me feel good... Saturday was Spring Day here at school..It was fun..Holls and I rode the paddle boats, I got a free staff shirt for being in senate since senate put it on, I ate popcorn, cotton candy, like 4 snow cones and we made these lil gelscape things..they are like sand art but we put little shells and stuff in them and then gel..I also made them smell like strawberry and coconut or vanilla i cant remember... I had my palm read which was a little scary because she knew a lot of truthful things about me. She said it looks like i pretty much left my family when i was 16 (in truth i moved out at 17 but trouble couldve started around there), then she asked if i wanted to work with children as like a counselor or a teacher and I said that i wanted to work with at-risk youth as a social worker and she said my leadership finger looked like i was going to start my own program and she said i really like solid relationships and ive been with the same person a long time and when im 25/26 i will decide that i want to be with him forever. This freaked me out because phil and i have been together 3 years in september and ive always told him that i want to get married when im 25/26 and have kids when im 27ish.. so yea..that was creepy... Then I went to phils which was a super good time...I love him!! we talked a bunch and just hung out. its always fun doing nothing with him..:) and the "love" was absolutly great too!! ;) and this morning was awesome..no matter how much sleep i get, the day always seems so much better when i get to wake up to my prince..today we just hung out, watched the celts, i wrote my paper, we got him some water at the spring and we had some dinner..I got him a crown at burger king...well he took it first...because he is my prince and i am his princess...anyways..things seem to be going better..which im glad because i really hate it when we fight..it literally gives me achy bowels!! hehe :-D So my sister came back from Vegas yesterday and called me today..YAY! i wasnt here to talk to her but i'll call her tomorrow or she can call me..I missed her so much..one whole week without talking to her a few times.ahhh!! Well im off to play a game with my beau and then to dreamland..the night would be 10 times better if my baby was here to cuddle with..but soon enough...HE'LL BE HERE ON FRIDAY!! YAY!! i cant wait..something to look forward to this week... Good Night, Sleep Tight xoxoxoxoxoxo P.S. Bri dude I miss you...I need to talk to you!! Where are you??? :) Current Mood: good Current Music: the fan! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 23rd, 2004
11:53 pm	replying to Bri! I know but she acts so damn immature and retarded and he falls for it everytime!!! He said hes gonna talk to her but now isnt the right time...wtf? Before you know it, there will be more excuses like i was busy, it was during finals, we werent alone to talk about it, her grandmas sick, and by then it'll be time to go home and he wont say anything and then he'll forget about it and in september everything will start the way its always been and she'll think its ok to act that way. I dont understand why he accepts it from her(his supposed best friend) yet when he didnt like my actions, he was gonna break up with me if i didnt get help..After 2 years he was just gonna throw us away but some "friend" hes had since september who treats him like garbage, he just accepts..I dont get it, and it makes me feel like shit!He doesnt really seem to give a damn about my opinion but listens to everyone elses because they agree with him..last time i checked though, we agreed not to listen to what other people thought..guess only in certain situations that applies..Tonight we talked about him getting a certain "crush" and he mentioned how im keeping my guard up..i told him that hes good for people to keep it up that way other people dont have the opportunity to take advantage...really im just being protective of my heart..not of him..and he said being protective of us is better.Im just looking out for myself because i dont want to get hurt again..:( I dont know dude...im just soo confused and frusturated!! :-/ Current Mood: confused Current Music: none (Comment on this)
8:45 pm	bummin' :( The past couple days have been depressing...Phil and I have been arguing...I hate arguing with him, it makes me so sad and upset. I really hate it when we're not happy.. I still feel that the reasons why I was upset are valid reasons and Im not sure im 100% convinced on anything.. I hope next year when we can see each other everyday that things will be better..I dont know how different things will be but hopefully better...We are so much happier and better off when we are together..AHH i just want to scream. I'm sick of the fighting, I dont know what to believe..I trust him but i also know him and honestly i dont think hes gonna say anything about it..just a huge gut feeling i have. He did promise me and US that he would say something...he doesnt usually break his promises, in fact i dont think he has ever broken one to me.. I'm just really skeptical...I dont know he wouldnt put up with actions like that from his girlfriend yet he will for a supposed best friend...AHHH just screaming again..Sometimes it just seems like hes waiting for the perfect moment because he doesnt want to hurt her precious feelings, yet i dont see why he should wait. He should get his feelings out in the open to start with because when in the midst of her acting retarded did she ever think about him..probably never... and him waiting makes it hard for me and causes trouble in our relationship..just seems like hes more worried about her feelings then anything to do with us...She hasnt talked to him since they got back from spring break...I'm seriously convinced that she was mad because we were back together because shes jealous and cant handle it. She reacted by not talking to her "supposed" best friend..AKA her big brother for a month. yea thats rational! DUH!! Im just so frusturated!!:( On a positive note, Holls and I had dinner tonight..it was good until we saw the people putting the extra used water back in the jug..well i didnt see it, holls did...but ewwww thats the 2nd bad story ive heard about that place..YUCKY! HAHAHA everytime i think about the comments made by my friends and especially Bri about "the picture", i still crack up!! thanks guys...especially you Bri...you made my week! and cathy-you are so correct...what we consider telling what we feel and spilling our guts...men consider bitching...AHHH WTF? thanks for the many good talks we've had this week..love ya Poo!! Anyways off to play sorry with Erin...Leave the love! :) xoxox Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: CeLtIcS bAsKeTbAlL (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
1:16 pm	fun quiz time! You are a Trojan Her Pleasure! You like to be pleased, but you don't mind pleasing everyone else too. Getting other people off helps get you off... Not that you ever had any trouble in the first place. Click here for totally free condoms, lube, and more. What Trojan Condom Are You? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Round Diamond! A round diamond is classic and timeless, just like your style Your diamond will always look with the times - and goes with everything Of all diamonds, round diamonds show the most sparkle They are often chosen by sweet, dependable women who make marriage their #1 priority. What's Your Dream Engagement Ring? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. You are Sneakers! You're an active girl, who's all about function You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you. You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him! What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. You Are an Oral Phobic! Put your mouth where? No thanks! You rather not be picking pubic hair out of your teeth. Maybe you'll go down on someone in a shower... But only after the fifth layer of soap is washed off! How Oral Are *You*? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. You Are A Professional Girlfriend! You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy. What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Your Candy Heart Is "MISS YOU" Did you break up with your ex recently? Or have you been thinking about an old love? Either way, you're missing someone pretty badly this V-day Don't dispair if you're dateless - find a date online What Candy Conversation Heart Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. You Are Ready to Get Married You've done more than dream about the dress and the honeymoon In fact, you spend a good deal of your time thinking about what makes a relationship work And from your answers, it looks like you have the skills to say "I Do" and mean it You've dated enough, learned your fair share, and you're ready to settle down. Are You Ready for Marriage? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you! What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue You've got the personality of a blue eyed women You're intense and expressive - and always on the go You've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in What's Your Inner Eye Color? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Your Stripper Name is Skylar Jade! You're an experienced stripper at a typical club, with the stage name to prove it. You haven't yet made it to the top end clubs in the big city... But you certainly don't have to wipe down the mirror after you dance! You're seasoned at pole tricks and could win a gold medal - if pole dancing were an Olympic sport. You love doing private dances for customers - as long as there's no touching and big tipping! You've got the future of a $2000 a night feature dancer, Jenna Jameson style! What's *Your* Stripper Name? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva </div> You Should Take the Plunge and Propose This may take a little courage on your part, so don't let your chance pass you by You want to get married - and more importantly, your guy seems like he wants to marry you For the ultimate proposal, spring for a simple white gold band to present him Or just propose spontaneously... but plan out your words, so he'll know that you mean it Should You Propose to Him? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. *hey what can i say...I was bored...it was a good time though!* :-D Current Mood: good Current Music: Days of our lives (Comment on this)
10:10 am	hmm... Well the past couple of days have been something...Phil and I are in a little tiff because he just cant admit that he couldve been nicer to me the other night when he said he was busy..He was quite bitchy about it and it wasnt nice at all. He wouldve totally flipped out if i had treated him that way..whether he wants to admit it or not, he wouldve been pissed off! then last night when im telling him all this..again..he said "you know youre acting like your mother" wtf??? first off I dont act like my mother and that was the HUGEST insult in the world especially coming from him because im not like her! 2) If sticking up for myself and not taking his shit of not being nice to me...is acting like my mother than i guess im glad to do it! I hate arguing with him but he soooo couldve been nicer to me the other night. He wasnt too busy to write 4 lines of bitchyness, he couldve wrote 1 line of niceness! PUH! Anyways Bri dude where you been? I feel like i havent talked to you in forever!! Thanks for writing comments in my journal..definitly means a lot to me! YOU ROCK! :) Yesterday I mailed out my Plymouth deposit...:) Looks like thats a definit plan..hopefully it all works out..Im excited out it!! Time for breakfast with Erin..write more later and keep the comments coming! Current Mood: awake Current Music: extreme dating on TV (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
8:55 pm	A good couple days! :) I havent written in here for a couple days so I will update ya on my life now! First of all, last night was a fricken blast..IT WAS GREAT!!! :-D I havent laughed that hard in weeks..*BRI-THANKS...YOU DEFINITLY ARE GREAT AND YOURE AWESOME "COMMENTS" ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE!!:-D" then I watched 50 first dates with Erin and Krissy...I love that movie...i think it is my new favorite...well for a little while anyways until another one comes out... I'm fricken excited...only 23 days left of school!! OH FRICKEN YEA!! WAHOOOOOO!! then only a couple of months in shithole job and then I will be at PLYMOUTH...YES!! on days like this..its so good to be me!! ;) haha well I gotta go and do..as my grammy would say..."Putting my nose to the grindstone" aka...do my homework... LATA xoxoxoxxo Current Mood: chipper Current Music: AMERICAN IDOL!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 19th, 2004
11:26 am	A little note for my Hollinator!:) *Holls*~ I wasn't mad at you for getting a better grade than me in Geography...I was simply making a comparison between the two... I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being bitchy at you about it but I wasn't..I LOVE YA and YOURE THE GREATEST...see you in about 45 mins in abnormal psych!! MUAH! Current Mood: good Current Music: me talking to myself...hahaha (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 18th, 2004
10:05 pm	I hate sundays!! This weekend was great!! Phil came up to visit and Friday was our 2 year 7 month anniversary...not really a huge deal but it was the best one that we've had in a while so it was really special... We didnt really do much...Friday we went to dinner at Wendy's in Newport and just hung out, I had a wicked bad stomach ache that keeled me over so I wasnt much in the mood for anything...Then Saturday we hung out, did hw, watched game 1 of the NBA playoffs in which the Celtics lost to the Pacers, then we went to dinner at Ms Lyndonville Diner and drove towards Burke Mountain, then we played Literati in the lab and had some Ice Cream...I had this HUUUUUGE craving for chocolate milk so at like midnight we went to Cumbys and got some..YAY!! Today we went to the library and did some hw, then had some lunch and then brought him back to PLymouth..hence why I hate sundays..:( i hate leaving him..everything is so great and so perfect when hes around..HE'S MY PRINCE AND I LOVE HIM!! :) anyways we hung out at PSU for a bit, had some dinner and then I came back here...I hate that drive i really do...its so lonley when youre by yourself and it especially sucks when im going away from phil not to him!! Weeeelll..only like 12 more days hopefully and i will see him again...yipee!! This week is going to be especially busy..i have mad homework to do..AHH!! feels like i can never get caught up.. Anyhoo..im a tired girl so off to bed for me!! *LOVE YOU N MISS YOU ALREADY BABY*:( xoxoxox (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
10:00 pm	who knows... As if my day couldnt get any worse..I racked in yet another bad grade. Im getting a C in geography...how the hell does that happen??? Holls and I looked at my grades today which werent that bad might I add..I had one 60 and the rest were A's and B's...and my take home wasnt in there yet..how does that equal a C and holls gets a A..PUH we have similar grades and we both didnt do the same homework..AHH its just so frusturating!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sorry I just had to that out! doesnt really make me feel any better though because Im screaming online and not in real life. In fact even health wise i feel like complete dog shit yet no doctor seems to know why..how fricken amazing is that. On top of it all, Phil and I are in a little tiff! Earlier today he said he didnt want to see me this weekend because he had work to do and was gonna do it. and besides he said im there all the time! HOW THE HELL IS EVERY COUPLE WEEKENDS ALL THE TIME?? anyways then later tonight, he said you can come if you want..he changed his mind because he wants to make me happy..WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY IS IF HE TRULY WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH ME AND DIDNT JUST CHANGE HIS MIND OUT OF PITY!!! would it seriously kill him to ask a friend to drive him or find a way to see me for once rather than me going to him everytime??? Lauras even going to be gone this weekend so its just going to be me here in this shithole dump! Im just so sick of being here, i want to just say fuck it and give up. Im so tired of everything!!:( Current Mood: depressed Current Music: stupid steve harvey on tv (Comment on this)
4:43 pm	First One! O YEA!:) ~Well this is my very first entry in this thing..who knows how well it will go over for me or whatever but hey its worth a shot right?~ So anyways school is sucking these day...I just feel so blah...I have absolutly no drive to do anything and I feel like bringing my grades up is hopeless..If i try really hard, I get a bad grade, if i dont try hard..i get a bad grade..Its pretty much pointless to even try..or so it feels.. I did have a nice chat with my dad yesterday and made me come to some realizations..His advice was "You know what you want, You know how to get it, Now go and do it!" :) he is a smart man when he wants to be..hehe To start off getting what I want...I GOT ACCEPTED TO PLYMOUTH!!! YAY!!! Im really excited about that. Im gonna major in social work and get a minor in child and family services. Since that is my absolute dream it will be perfect!! My Big Poppa,Rachel Smachel,Phils sister Colleen, Matty, and Molly will be there so it will be a mad good time! I just wish it could be september already!!:-D Well its almost time for dinner and the Hollinator and I need to do some geography hw (BLAH)so I better go..but leave me a message and let me know what you think of my cool new thing. LATA!! :) Current Mood: blah Current Music: people talking outside and the clicking of the keyboard (2 Comments |Comment on this)